Beyond the Shadows

Beyond the Shadows

             When I was a child, I always felt like I was in the shadows of my parents. My sister and I grew up in the donut shop owned by my father. Although there were many happy memories, there were also unpleasant ones as well. Both of my parents struggled to make ends meet since the business reaped little profits. The good thing about owning a business is having the freedom to have your children around. However, instead of spending happy family times together, I would see my parents constantly arguing everyday.



                  At the time I couldn’t understand why my parents were always fighting. After all, I was only a child. Looking back, I now understand how tough their lives were. Maybe I wasn’t the only one lost in a shadow, but perhaps both my parents were stuck too. Imagine a life of not being able to have dreams. Even though he never told me, I know my dad’s dream was to have a successful business, and a happy family. However, life doesn’t always grant all your wishes, and sometimes you just have to make a sacrifice. My dad was living in an illusion, but little did he know he would soon be awakened by reality.



                 Not long after my seventh birthday, my mom had filed for divorced. I was so used to seeing both my parents argue, but I never thought that our family would be broken. I knew from then on my life was about to take on a dramatic change. If I could have it my way, I would’ve liked to grow up with my elementary friends, and have a united family. Instead, I had to help my mom and sister pack our belongings, and watch my dad stand on the driveway as our truck drove further and further from everything I had known up until then.



                   Things didn’t get any better after we moved to a much larger city. In fact, I felt more and more buried into a deep a shadow that I could not escape. One of the most challenging moments of my life was when my mom had a new boyfriend. It wasn’t the boyfriend that was the challenge; he had a daughter named Lina who was born with Down syndrome. Being only ten years old, I didn’t have the wisdom or full understanding of how to deal with such a person. Lina would steal my belongings or break them, and all I could do was to bite my tongue because no matter what I said, Lina’s disadvantage was used as an advantage. At the end of the arguments, Lina was special so she always had her way and I had to get used to it. Now I look back and I can’t agree more. I was such a selfish, ignorant child.



                I often wondered why my life had to be different from others. The stress at home lingered inside of me even when I was at school. The kids would socialize in large groups, and I would see how happy their faces were as they laughed and chatted among themselves. Unlike myself, it seemed as though they didn’t have a care in the world. Why couldn’t I laugh so hard until I had a stomachache? I simply wanted to be happy, but with all the fights, arguments, and turmoil at home, I found it difficult to have motivation, or do well in school.



                  The relationship my mom had with her boyfriend had been difficult, and even her patience had run out. The best thing was when we moved out. I knew that was a place that I could never call home. As I grew older, I wanted to have more understanding about people with disabilities. In essence, I was climbing through the tunnel of the cave towards the light. During high school, I volunteered to work in a class of students with mental disabilities. All the guilt and regret from fighting with Lina heavily resided in my heart, but from trying to understand other people with Down syndrome, I was freeing myself from the guilt. This was how I found the light out of darkness.



                There’s no doubt in my heart that both my parents love my sister and me unconditionally, and that they’ve always wanted what was best for us. Unfortunately, children usually don’t know when they are in a bad environment nor how to communicate effectively.  Also, children usually can't control who they must live with.  The true light that I discovered was when I realized the fact that I can’t change the past and live a life of regret and sorrow. I have come to find that the only way to change is by understanding, and learning more from my mistakes. This is connected to truth and belief because my belief has become my truth. The truth really has set me free. Without the times I’d spent in the cave, I wouldn’t have learned to embrace patience nor open my heart to life.